Gender is a social construction; a category of difference invested with meaning. As Simone du Beauvoir states: “one is not born a woman; one becomes a woman”. In light of our assigned readings this week, please write (in 4 paragraphs) a mini-“gender autobiography” for yourself.
Then, as you have grown, how do you “do gender”; in what ways do you perform, practice, embody your gender? What are the dominant “scripts” that influence how you “do gender”? Where do they come from? Do you ever challenge gender normativity or normative gender differences? How?
They say that one “becomes a woman” or gender is a social construction, but do we ever really get a choice? If you are born a female, people WILL be treating you like a female/girl/woman for the rest of your life. There is no “becoming” about it. It is what it is. I’m not saying that I wish I wasn’t a girl because really and truly, I love it. I know there are restraints that come with it, but there are also many benefits to being a woman.
ReplyDeleteI was born as the first of two daughters in my family, and I was also the first granddaughter for both sets of my grandparents. Obviously, everyone went crazy with the pretty dresses and shopping and playing with the little kittens. I loved every minute of it. As I continued to be the little princess to my entire family, I started cheerleading. Of course the whole family loved that. They would come to football games in 100 degree weather just to watch me stand on the sidelines and half-way chant a little song. I was all about being a girl, and they loved it. I played all of the girly games such as school (with my brother and sister), tea parties, dress up (including my brother), and I even organized little plays to put on for my family during holidays.
In middle school, I started getting a little bit more competitive. I always had the highest grades in school, and if anyone threatened that it would just make me work harder. I went to a small private school, so I pretty much grew up with everyone in my classes and had known them for as long as I could remember. One day, my best friend and I played flag football with the boys. We were the only girls, so the boys were impressed. We really weren’t that bad, so we gained some cool points in the class. In high school, I dropped the whole cheerleading act for something a little more serious. I played volleyball. To some people, volleyball may not seem that intense, but when you play for someone who played in the olympics.....it’s a different story. I had some of the most miserable, near-death (so I thought) experiences in that gym, and I loved every minute of it. One time, I heard some football players complaining about practice, so I chimed in with some of the drills and running we had to do thinking I could talk the same talk. They just laughed at me and acted like I had no idea what I was talking about. It really hurt me because I knew that the only reason they didn’t take me seriously, or even the sport seriously, was because I’m a girl. It was the first time I actually thought about feminism in a serious manner. The mockery continued until one day they happened to be walking through the gym durning a volleyball practice. They got to see how bad it was for themselves, and after that, I had at least SOME respect. They still had the “you just think it’s hard because you’re a girl” attitude, but at least they saw that it actually was hard. I just wanted respect regardless of my gender. They refused to give it to me because I “didn’t know what hard was.”
Now, in college, I am still my feminine self. I love shopping, reading magazines, getting my nails done, flirting with boys, and having nights out with my girl friends. I am what one would call a “typical girl”, and I’m happy with it. I make cakes for my guy friends and laugh when they call me “Mama Tate” because it’s just who I am. I want to be a wife and a mother and take my kids to soccer practice, but at the same time, I want respect for it. In ten years, I’ll probably be the mother of two and a happy wife, BUT I’ll be a lawyer too. I think that women can do anything men can do and then some. Men may be lawyers and doctors, but women are too. After work, they go home and make dinner or change diapers. I may be “doing” my gender, but personally, I think it makes me stronger.
A person does what gender they are, rather than being born with it. I have always been the typical girl. I have an older brother, so when I came along it was all frills. I am the youngest granddaughter on one side, and the only granddaughter on the other side. Needless to say, I was spoiled. My childhood was filled with pink rooms, Barbie’s, baby dolls, playing house, and tea parties with my grandmother. I began to cheer at the age of 2, and was seen as quite the little doll, or so I am told. I still have people come up to me today and say, “I remember you when you were a tiny little thing.” During elementary school, I started playing softball and absolutely loved it. I still would wear pink and all of that girly stuff, but I was not afraid one bit to play in the dirt. In fact, all the kids in my neighborhood were boys so I definitely knew how to rough house.
ReplyDeleteI continued to cheer in middle school, and gave softball tryouts a serious thought. When I went to try out, the coach looked at me and said, “I don’t want any cheerleaders on my team.” This has hurt my feelings for years. It was like I was too girly to play with the other girls who were seen as more athletic. So I continued cheering. I was class officer, on yearbook staff, and was captain of my cheerleading squad.
In high school, I was the same girl. However, cheerleading stepped up a lot in my life. Our school did competition cheerleading, which is not at all just standing on the side lines trying to look cute. My freshman year we went to Nationals and competed and placed tenth in the nation out of many teams. We came home to no credit from our peers, especially the guys. As time went on, we still received no credit for what we did. My junior and senior year, my squad was the AHSAA 5A State Champions. It was a huge accomplishment. What did we hear from the guys, “It’s not a real state competition because you don’t compete against everyone in the state.” This has really bothered me because a girl’s sport isn’t considered hard at all. In fact, most people don’t even consider competitive cheerleading a sport. I broke my foot in tenth grade from cheerleading. When I went to my male doctor, he told me that he thought cheerleading was one of the most dangerous sports. This made me feel that finally someone has recognized that it is a sport.
Even though I was athletic throughout my childhood and teenage years, I still feel that I’m pretty girly. I love to be with my boyfriend and be the one to look cute and all that stuff. I feel that the battles I have faced with people throughout high school has only made me a stronger woman because when they put me down, I was able to triumph, which I plan to continue to do in my future.
I guess one could say I grew up in a bubble, in other words very sheltered. I grew up with an older sister who was the complete opposite from me. She enjoyed Barbie’s and everything pink and I enjoyed playing outside with the boys and everything blue. Yes I would say I was a tom-boy at one point in my life. Gender role played a big part in my life early on. I most definitely am a girl and absolutely love being one, but for some reason I wanted to do everything the guys wanted. I hated Barbie’s but loved getting dirty with the boys outside. My parents let me do whatever activity I was interested in because they wanted me involved. They never forced anything on me, they just wanted the best.
ReplyDeleteBut like any girl when in grade school, I did every activity a girl was supposed to do. I took tap, ballet and jazz lessons for quite some time as well as a little bit of gymnastics, which didn’t work out too well, but I enjoyed and learn so much by participating in those activities. But of course when I started getting to high school, my dad introduced me to the world of athletics which involved volleyball, basketball and softball. I was that girl in high school that wanted to be involved in any physical activity that was offered. I was and still am the biggest competitor you will probably ever meet. It didn’t matter what game we were playing I was like a guy and was out to beat everyone, which I was successful half of the time. But don’t get me wrong, I loved getting my nails done and going shopping, if we were only shopping for me of course.
I most definitely was never pressured as a young girl into doing anything. I had the talent to play multiple sports and I wanted to put that to practice. Yes, dad pushed me hard at times and demanded only the best from me. But I needed that and it was good to know that I had support in what I loved to do. I can say that people did underestimate me when I got on the field and played. Just because I am short and not very big, they thought I was worthless and couldn’t perform the task to its fullest. Being a girl sometimes puts a damper on things just for that reason. That is why I worked harder during practice so that I could prove those people wrong. I guess that is why I have great determination now in my everyday life that I work to find the right answers and to prove others wrong.
The way I “do gender” is simple. I have grown up knowing what I want in life and having the ability to be a leader as a woman in today’s society. I grew up knowing ‘practice makes perfect’, and ‘never give up on what you start’. These were the two sayings I went by in high school because they played a huge role on the playing field. Now in college, I have a strong foundation to act on my leadership qualities and showing determination and knowledge in everything I do. I have though changed my ways, and have grown out of the tom-boy stage. It is so funny ever since I have been at college no one could have ever guessed that I was the big athlete in high school, they thought I was just the girlie-girl who didn’t like to get dirty. But I know for a fact being a born blonde, that we are capable of doing anything in this society just like a man. I love to cook and bake for everyone and hopefully one day get married and have babies. But I can honestly say I am a spitting image of my mother, my determination and strong sense of humor comes from her and I have no regrets how I was raised or what I was portrayed like back then because that’s how I grew up and that’s how I am now.
@Emily
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm in the same situation as Emily. It would be great to get respect for doing what I do and what I think is challenging, but I don't see how to convince anyone to change the way they think. "Boys are tougher, boys are stronger." Blah, blah, blah. We hear it all the time. It's on TV, it's in magazines, it's everywhere. Causing people to reconsider and think differently will really be difficult.
Simone du Beauvior once said, “One is not born a woman; one becomes a woman.” I kind of agree with this statement. In my opinion, as soon as it is known that a child is going to be a girl the parents start thinking of all of the things they are going to have their daughter do, how they are going to dress her and how they are going to treat her. While in some cases the parents may not dream about their little girl in pink or doing ballet, I still feel like the majority of parents do. I was born the oldest of three children. I was the first grandchild on my father’s side of the family, as well as the first girl to be born since my Grandmother. Needless to say, everyone was so excited. The first thing my Grandmother did was go to the hospital gift shop and bought me a doll because she had never gotten to do that before. However, I would never show any interest in that doll whatsoever.
ReplyDeleteI never played with dolls my entire childhood. I played with animal figurines and anything else that was animal related. I was also quite the tomboy and loved to sit outside and dig in the dirt for bugs. My parents didn’t teach me any of this; it was just something I wanted to do. When they realized I wasn’t into dolls and dress up they were encouraging of my interests in the out doors. I never felt out of place for not being a girlie girl. My dad and I loved to go exploring in the back yard and he was always excited to do so.
As I grew older I was less of a tomboy. In middle school I became much more aware of my femininity. I felt really awkward and shy and was terrified of boys. I never felt comfortable being around middle school boys. They could be mean and made me feel so insecure because I was a girl. However, I had a great group of girl friends and enjoyed basketball and lacrosse. My family was always supportive of me, despite how awkward I was. In high school I became much more confident and in tune with my self. I played lacrosse and became very interested in the arts. I was totally boy -crazy and was always thinking about who I liked at the time. I had come such a long way from my quiet middle school self. By the time I was a junior in high school I had definitely discovered who I was and who I wanted to be. I loved being a girl and was proud of it.
Today I am even more confident and secure with myself. This is my last semester of college and I am excited to start the next chapter in my life. I hope to be in graduate school this time next year and hopefully one day have a great job that I love going to. I still love girl’s night out with my friends and I am in no rush to meet that special someone. I just got out of a 5-year relationship so I am actually excited to be on my own again and to focus on who I am as a young woman. Eventually I do want to be married with children but not until I accomplish my own personal goals first.
-Virginia Jackson
I am gendered female. I am proud of that. I love that I am a girl and that I have female qualities. Whether or not these have been assigned to me is beside the point. But then again, I have not had many problems with that. My parents raised me in a protective environment. They provided a lot of insight for my life. Both of them set great examples and I felt like they didn’t set limitations on me. I may have been inscribed with expectations on how I was supposed to grow up. Both my church and my parents provided great opportunities for me to learn about myself.
ReplyDeleteI was always told that I could do and be whatever I wanted to, as long as I put forth effort and did my best. I was raised to know that limitations are only what you allow them to be. People can’t deny you if you strive for what you want. Now that I am older, I am aware that this isn’t always the case, but it won’t stop me from trying my hardest to be the best that I can be.
I know that each day I “do gender.” I am feminine but I enjoy that. I like putting on makeup and looking in the mirror and being quite content. I like to wear colors that match. I like going to class looking put together. Maybe society has put this thought in my head, and maybe there is a problem with that, but personally, I don’t think it is a burden. People may think less of me if I don’t look and act feminine. I don’t really notice it. I feel like I do this for myself. I never really felt much pressure. I know that may sound like I have been spoiled, but I don’t think so. I think I am lucky. Some people may think differently, but that is okay. We are all entitled to our own opinions right?
There are some qualities that I posses that society may consider masculine. I am pretty argumentative and opinionated. I can be aggressive. I don’t think I am overly sensitive (although sometimes I don’t even know what that term means). I have the tendency to make rash decisions. The people around me, male and female, tend to appreciate this part of me. I have been told that I argue too much. I don’t know if that is because it is not inherently female to be argumentative or just because people tend to not enjoy being around someone who continually argues. Either way, I am okay with being criticized sometimes if the criticism is constructive and does not tear me down. I am not afraid to stick up for myself. I think that being feminine is great. And I enjoy every part of myself.
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ReplyDeleteWhile I have always felt very a part of the female gender, I have sometimes felt like I was not interested in what would be considered "normal" for girls, mainly when I was younger. For example, for my 7th birthday, I wanted to have a dinosaur-themed party, but my parents had already bought everything to have a princess-themed party. We compromised by having a dinosaur cake and princess decorations. Looking back, I feel that this was a dichotomy that continues in my life today.
ReplyDeleteI never felt particularly limited by being female growing up; thankfully I have incredibly supportive parents who always told me to go after what I wanted and not to let anyone tell me I couldn't chase my goals. I raced soap box derby cars until age 11, and went to the international championship as a 3rd generation racer. I danced and did cheerleading. I played softball. I did such a mix of activities that no one ever pegged me as a "tom boy" or "girly girl". I was always just Jamie.
As I entered middle school I became much more aware of my looks, and definitely felt pressured to dress a certain way and begin wearing makeup. In high school I developed my own fashion sense that didn't revolve around trying to fit into a group, and this greatly helped me own my feminineness in my own way. I have never felt uncomfortable being feminine, but it felt nice to have a personal style that reflected my love for dressing up and still being taken seriously by the guys. Clothes have always helped anchor me in a sense, allowing me to express my personality.
There are so many gender scripts I participate in, but I am very self conscious about the ones that reinforce stereotypes (the overly emotional girl, for example) and try my hardest to behave in ways that disprove negative assumptions about either gender. I love make up, dresses, heels, and getting my nails done, but I also love sports, intelligent discussions, and fast cars (especially Audi TTs). As I said before, I feel like my whole life has been a balance of what is normal for genders, and blending together of characteristics, although I enjoy being a female.
Simone de Beauvoir once said “one is not born a women; one becomes a women”. I personally believe this saying. I think that someone does what gender they are. I believe that when someone is born they are a certain gender but they develop into someone who acts the way they think their gender should. I am the middle child in my family. I have an older sister and a younger brother. I also have two stepsiblings, a boy and a girl. As the middle child, I felt misplaced a lot throughout life. I was not sure who I wanted to become or what I wanted to do in my life. My mother always pushed me to become the girl she wanted me to become, an equestrian. When I was six years old my mom put me on a horse and that is what I did, I became a competitive horseback rider.
ReplyDeleteAfter eleven years of doing what my mother wanted me to do, I finally put my foot down and told her I could not do it anymore. I finally realized who I wanted to be. I wanted to be me, a girl who just wanted to be with friends and enjoy high school. I began to swim on the varsity team and that made me feel independent. I felt like I finally could do what I wanted for myself. High school years are never easy for anyone but for women it is hard. I changed a lot throughout high school I had so many decisions to make when it came to picking friends, doing what is right, and keeping a positive reputation for myself.
I have struggled a lot with being secure with myself. Part of me believes this is because of how the world and media views how women should be. There is so much pressure in our society to be perfect. Everyday I feel challenged as a woman. I think men view women as a treasure. If we are not perfect they do not want us. I feel like men make women insecure, which used to make me down about myself.
However, now that I am in college, I have found myself. I am feminine. I love doing everything most females like doing: getting my nails done, highlighting my hair, going to the gym, shopping, and going out with my girlfriends. I feel like I am a normal girl. I am happy with who I have become. I am very independent. I have once struggled with being extremely insecure but now I know I am who I am and no one can bring me down especially any man. I know in five to ten years I will be a pre-school teacher, married, and will have children. I will always stick up for what I believe. I am a stronger person because I am doing my gender and becoming a strong woman in this world.
@Sarah Tate
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sarah's response to the module. I believe as soon as the parents find out the gender of their child they go off and buy blue blankets for boys or pink clothes for girls. From even before the baby is born the child is already being treated like their gender.
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ReplyDeleteI am the youngest of two children and the only girl. To my mother’s parents, I am the only granddaughter. You can imagine the pampering I received while I was a child. My Papaw still likes to tell the story of when I was around two years old: My brother and I were playing in our play room, and my brother suddenly picked up something that I just had to have. I instantly turned on the water works, sobbing. His eyes widened in surprise, and he quickly gave me the toy. My papaw tells me that that was the minute he knew I was a true woman. I had my brother wrapped around my tiny finger. Naturally, he tells me that my tears were instantly dry.
ReplyDeleteI was a girly girl for sure when I was younger. I went through phases, though. I would love dresses, and then I would hate them. No matter what, however, I loved to dress up. My best friend was a boy my age that lived next door that my brother played with, too. We would play Ninja Turtles, and I’d always want to be April (she was a redhead, after all) and if we played Power Rangers, I had to be the pink one. Other days they would make me so mad when they would tell me I HAD to be the girl, or I couldn’t go play over there because I was the girl, and I had to stay there and be helpless. It was then that I wasn’t afraid to change my mind and be Donatello or the blue ranger.
I was practically born in smocking and grew up in it as well, until about second or third grade. That was about the time I let my mother know really quickly that dresses were not my thing. After that, my mother didn’t really hold a tight rein over how I was supposed to be. She let me go my own way. Through about 4th grade to 8th grade, she left me alone. Naturally, those were my super awkward days. I didn’t know how to dress, I always missed the fads, I didn’t wear make-up until about 9th grade. It scared me, to be honest. And it certainly didn’t get me any boyfriends. I wanted to be pretty, to be feminine, and I was pretty sure my usual jeans and t-shirts were not enough. It was about that time I began to be really self-conscious about my looks. Kids are mean at that age, and I was definitely targeted. My hair was a mess, I didn’t wear cute clothes, mainly because I didn’t fit in them, and, well, I was over-weight. That definitely doesn’t make being the stereotypical girl easy.
In high school, my mom jumped back. She begged me to stop wearing t-shirts. I refused. It was comfortable, and I had somehow convinced myself that it doesn’t matter what other people think. And of course it doesn’t, but…let’s be honest; looks matter a lot in this world. And it sucks. Anyway, once I reached college, I began to see myself in a new light. I wanted to be more feminine. Maybe that would mean I would somehow get a boyfriend. I wanted more than five pairs of shoes, and I wanted to wear dresses and pretty make-up. I still wear t-shirts today, but I still dress up more often, something typical of women. And while I like to be girly and pretty, I still firmly believe that I have just as much right to share my opinion and be equal to men.
My life has been a continuous stream of pressure to adhere to gender stereotypes. It was always clear to me that other people had a lot of ideas of what I was “supposed” to do and be like and that their ideas were based on just one thing about me – the fact that I was born female. I went to private school until I was in high school, beginning when I was four years old. Both of my private schools were religiously affiliated, and both had uniforms. There was no such thing as a unisex uniform. All girls, regardless of age, wore skirts or dresses, and all the boys wore pants. Only one day a week during the school year was I allowed to wear whatever I wanted, and that was Saturday. However, even the casual clothing my parents bought me was always feminine in some way, whether in cut, color, or sparkly appliqué. Sundays, I was made to feel like I was a porcelain doll. My mother or sister would style my hair and pick one of my numerous dresses for me to wear to church. When I was young, I enjoyed all of the attention this brought me. However, as I grew older, I began to resent this same attention, for it felt like, though I was constantly being looked at, no one was really seeing me. My freshman year of high school, I wore make-up ninety percent of the time, but now, there’s a ninety-eight percent chance that I won’t be wearing make-up on any given day. I still like to wear feminine clothing, but there’s a much greater sense of balance. I have become a much stronger person, so now the things I do and wear are only dictated by my desire.
ReplyDeleteI’ve been lucky enough to never really feel like there were gender-related expectations academically. I attribute a large part of that to having brilliant female role models and teachers in all subjects throughout high school. In science, engineering, and math, my greatest teachers were outspoken, dedicated women. I also had great female teachers in the more traditionally feminine subjects, such as English. In fact, though I had woman teachers in traditionally male-dominated subjects, the reverse was never true. Though there were male English and art teachers at my school, most of my male teachers taught science and engineering, and the one who didn’t taught Spanish. Though my mom expected me to maintain good grades in all subjects, she understood when I had slightly lower grades in math, science, and engineering because of my lack of interest. Gender would never have been an acceptable excuse. Now, though, I most clearly embody my gender academically and career-wise, as I plan on teaching English and/or Latin and am not taking any math or science classes that I don’t absolutely have to.
Though I don’t always look it, I am a girly-girl in so many ways. I listen to Taylor Swift and Avril Lavigne. I cry at Grey’s Anatomy and thrive on the drama of Pretty Little Liars. I love a good romance and despise action movies. I love to cook, and cleaning is a stress-reliever. I want both a career and family, but if I had to choose one, I’d instantly choose family. I can be incredibly sensitive, meaning I overanalyze and read into everything. These are not inherently feminine characteristics. Society labels them as such, though.
The only thing about me that drastically challenges gender stereotypes is my lesbianism. Society tends to have this idea that girls have to be boy-crazy in order to be truly girls, or that a lesbian is just trying to be a man. If I wanted to be a man, I wouldn’t be a lesbian, I’d be transgendered. Similarly, straight girls aren’t always boy-crazy, nor should they feel pressured to be. For a while, I dated boys. I told myself I was confused, but I knew I wasn’t into them. I was only confused about how to fit my sexuality into the role I felt I had to play. I thought that for society to accept me as female, I had to be in a relationship with a male. In a lot of arenas, that’s still true. What’s different is not society, but me. I was born female, but I don’t believe that that should be seen as anything more than an indicator of the kind of sex organs I possess.
As a little child I was like any other average girl. I loved my stuffed animals, barbies, dolls, and my favorite Polly Pocket. Although I did get this haircut once and I was mistaken for a boy for some time. I also had my ears pierced very young and wore the typical frilly dresses and bows. As I grew up I think I became even more average. I wouldn’t wear the girliest things but I did have a feminine side I don’t think I was pressured into dressing or acting like my gender until middle school.
ReplyDeleteMiddle school was life changing for me. That’s when I started to grow my hair longer, straighten it, wear makeup, and develop. Haha. Middle school was kind of the experimental years where girls are becoming more mature and dressing and acting like it. I also had my first boyfriend then. I suppose that made me try a little harder as a girl. In high school, I started to care about my image even more. But really, that was typical for that age. Girls want to be noticed so they try things to be noticed. Things like dressing super cute or just being really girly. I think that there might have been some social pressure there but nothing too heavy. It just seemed to be what was happening to everyone and natural.
Also in high school I did three things. I played the piano, joined the showchoir, and played soccer. Instruments are pretty unisex. Showchoir and soccer on the other hand were different. Showchoir consisted of a group of boys and girls singing and dancing competitively. Girls were expected to have curly hair, poofs, and lots of makeup. It was very girly. Some guys were expected to use hairspray on their hair as well. There was some argument on whether this was actually a guy’s activity. Singing and dancing and following guidelines don’t seem very typical of a guy. It would be like a guy cheerleader. Also, soccer isn’t the girliest sport out there. It seems that these days’ girls really have to defend themselves when they say girl sports are actual sports. Even today I saw a comment claiming that girl sports aren’t real sports. That is complete crap. It is the same sport that is done by guys but just by girls and us girls play just as hard. Sure boys are known to be aggressive but I, as well as my teammates, got just as banged up as a guy would during a game.
Now, I definitely consider myself as a girly girl. I admit that I conform quite easily. I am really into makeup, shopping, and the latest trends. I can go some days without makeup and not even caring but some days I will literally sit there for 10 minutes deciding what to wear. Also, the one thing I will never go out in public without is my hair being done. It doesn’t have to be curled, hair sprayed, or fancy. Just brushed and done. I think in this day and age feminism comes pretty naturally to most girls but I think it can also be hard. I think from the social pressure to look a certain way or act a certain way, some girls may struggle. Also, if a girl wants to be a girly girl they are assumed that they aren’t athletic or if they are athletic then they can’t be a girly girl. When really there are plenty of girls out there that are both. I, for example, played soccer and got rough as well as did showchoir and got all dolled up. I think that in this day and age women still have to defend themselves, but there are more and more examples of women proving those who doubt them wrong.
When I was younger I was the little girl in class with the cute little out fits with the matching hair bows. I did not like to get dirty. I did not like to play rough . I was always told to act like a young lady and that girls should not play rough like little boys. I started cheerleading in kindergarten and I continued it through the eighth grade. I also played softball from the fourth grade throughout my twelfth grade year. I loved cheerleading it allowed me to become in touch with how I thought what being a girl should be. When I played softball I loved it, because I was able to channel my anger, play rough, and get dirty. Sometimes I did not want to slide and get dirty but I did it any ways to prove that I did not mind getting dirty. I always had to prove how tough I was with my family. My male cousins and I always fought over who was better at something, which one could throw and catch a football and etc. Of course I was better at it than them. They would tell me to go grab my pom-poms and go stand on the side line. After twelfth grade I became more in tune with my “girlie” side. I put away soft ball glove, to put on dresses and high heal. I’ve grown out of my tough girl phase, and now my cousins miss me playing catch with them. They know that now I’m not going to throw a football at the risk of breaking a nail.
ReplyDeleteThroughout my high school years I dealt with low self esteem, and I could not stand looking at myself in a mirror. I could not stand looking at the reflection. I hated everything about myself and I wanted to change everything about myself. I was always comparing myself to what media’s standards of what’s pretty. I became very depressed at this point of time, even though I had plenty of friends, and everyone knew me as the silly, goofy girl I was not happy with myself. My mom and my friends told me that nothing was wrong with me but I did not believe them. I felt as they were telling me this just because. But it worked. I love and accept myself the way I am.
After my high school years and during my junior college years, my attitude towards some people was very rude and mean. I’ve been called mean, stuck up, and worst. I’ve always been the tough girl who did not allow people to talk to me all crazy and treat me any kind of way. It put a strain on my relationships. My ex’s would tell me I’m too aggressive and too mean. So I toned it down a lot. Looking back on my actions I was not as sweet as I could be so I tried to depict how I thought a woman should act.
Now that I’ve grown up a lot in the past couple of years, I am just like any other young woman. I know I want to get married and have children. Not until I am done with college and have myself financially stable. Until that time comes I’m going to enjoy being a girl and continue getting my nails done, shopping with friends, wearing my high heels and my pretty dresses.
As I have grown up I have never had a problem establishing my gender. I have always known how to be a girl. When I was young I had a fascination with bugs and I would run around the woods with all of my friends. All of the neighborhood kids would get together and play kick the can. I would take all of my barbies over to the other girls house and play with them all day, I would play dress up and try on my mother’s wedding dress. It’s not until I got older that I had issues with gender biases.
ReplyDeleteI specifically remember around my middle school age, there weren’t a lot of cute dress options seeing as how that’s when school established a dress code. I wore a lot of jeans and t shirts, and in my opinion I thought they were cute. As my mom and I were out shopping, she told me that I needed to dress more “girly.” Although she had said this I didn’t really think much of it, I figured yea, I guess I should find something other than fitted t shirts to wear. This may have been the worst mistake my mom ever made. I now have a large amount of clothes that a lot of people would think to be girly.
In my most recent years I have had one of the worst things happen to me. I was dating a guy that seemed to be really nice, until he broke up with me because I was “ Over-weight.” I was by no means over weight but it stuck to me like hot glue. I have never felt worse about myself than I did when those words left his mouth. I would constantly look at myself every morning, and at some point during the day the words ‘I’m fat,’ would leave my mouth. Since then I’ve lost 30lbs and I still feel awful about myself. As a women, we are supposed to be the perfect weight, height, and size in general. As a woman, I have curves, my body doesn’t look very lean, I am not very tall, and I wear an average normal size.
I think the media is what really gears peoples perspective on how people judge others. Models are getting smaller, our famous idols are getting smaller, and our famous actors are getting smaller. Guys think that women are all supposed to be very lean, and tall and at some point look like they go to the gym every day, but don’t forget the giant boobs and the perfect sized butt. Women see men in movies and magazines and think they are supposed to have this mysterious sexiness about them with their six-pack abs and perfectly sculpted bodies. Let’s not forget that women are now strong bodied individuals and men are the “hard-asses” that fall in love. I believe you are the perfect size, height and weight as long as you are healthy, because health is scientifically proven.
From the first day I was born my parents could tell I was going to be different. I was born on Friday the 13th and my mother had to have a c-section because I was too stubborn and wouldn't come out. Later on when I could walk my mom told me one morning her and my dad were just talking in their bedroom thinking I was still sleeping and just walked on in their bedroom... I had climbed out of my crib! Clearly, I was pretty independent even then, doing things my own way, on my own time. In kindergarden and elementary school I was very social and talkative. I loved making new friends. My mom put me into dance class and my dad insisted I do something more athletic too so I played T-ball and soccer for a little while. When those two didn't stick I start taking swim lessons which turned into swim team practices by the time I was 6. I loved the water so swimming was perfect for me.
ReplyDeleteAfter the 4th grade my parents switched us over to private school because my younger sister wasn’t getting challenged enough at the public school we were at. I was at the private school for 3 years and lets just say when I left I wasn't the same person I was when I got there. It was a small school and most everyone in my grade and grown up going to school together so right off the bat I was the odd one out. The girls would make fun of me all the time for things I would say, for the clothes I wore, and for the way I looked. They would become my friends and then turn around and stab me in the back over and over again to the point that I lost all trust in any of them. I went home crying everyday the first year I was there, after that I learned to just shut my feelings off. I finally got to go back to my old school for the 8th grade, but I was so shy and timid now. I was very hard for me to trust people and I was so paranoid people were talking about me all the time. High school was a struggle but it ended better than I thought. my parents got divorced which added on to everything that had already happened. I became very protective over my mother because I knew she was struggling and I guess my "motherly" instincts kicked in. I helped her anyway I could. It made me grow up faster than most girls my age. I realized over time that I love helping people and not letting them down, which made me a people pleaser over time.
College rolled around and I've discovered a few things about myself since I've been here. I've realized I am different but I've learned to appreciate that instead of looking at it in a negative light. I've also realized that even though those 3 years at private school were terrible and my own Mean Girls movie, it wasn't my fault those girls treated me so badly... They were the ones with the problems. Its taken a while to recover but I feel like I'm finally starting to feel independent again. I don't look in the mirror and see a girl whose nose is too bit or her eyebrows are too light, I see a girl who has been through a lot in life and is stronger for it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm a girly girl. I like shopping and hanging out with friends and getting my nails done, but I'm not much for dressing up unless I have to. My style is pretty casual and comfortable. And I can hang with the guys and have normal conversations about things like sports and Family Guy. I don't really know what category that falls under. I love taking care of people so I will hopefully be a nurse someday. I know I want to get married and children someday, but not until I'm financially stable enough to have them. I don't think I fit all the criteria for very Feminine person but in reality, who does. I think that even though some of do conform on the outside, the inner qualities vary and I feel like thats okay.
I am a person who does not "do gender". I believe that a person can do or act as he or she feels most comfortable and does not have to play into a particular gender role. I have come to realize that men and women lack some of the attributes that are categorized as being male or female, so what is the big deal? I have never been one to say, "oh she can't do that because she's a girl", or vice versa. To each his own.
ReplyDeleteI grew up with three brothers, me being the youngest of the bunch. I'm sure you can imagine what that was like. Of course my mom spoiled me. I did everything with my brothers, from playing in the woods, to playing football and basketball, even fighting. I never really liked to play with dolls and have tea parties. My mom never tried to restrict me from doing the things that my brothers did. She just wanted me to wear dresses on Sunday, which I highly refused, but mom won most of the time. My brothers never told me I couldn't play with them because I was a girl. They enjoyed my presence as much as I enjoyed playing with them.
Throughout school I was a tomboy and most of my friends were too. We all played basketball together and played with the guys. In class, I was the one that always wanted my work to be perfect. I never looked at it as if I wanted to be better than others, boys in particular. Eventually I grew out of those tomboyish ways and started dressing sexier, etc. Not because I was told to or the things I was doing were unlady like, but because I chose to do it for myself. No one will ever dictate how I will dress or act. It's my decision.
A huge milestone for me was joining the military while I was still in high school. In the military, the men always expect to be better at everything. If you are familiar with the military, at Basic Training there's a physical fitness test that everyone must take. To my surprise, I had the highest score out of 360 soldiers, male and female. At no point did I ever say I have to out perform the guys. I just gave it my all and that alone exceeded everyone else. I did not have anything to prove, but they gave me the respect I was due. Regardless of what people may think, I am going to do and act as I please. I will not allow anyone to tell me that I can't do something because I'm a female. The way I see it, I can do anything, even better than a man.
Sierra Terrell
Ever since the beginning of our country gender roles have made their presence. In the period of Indians, the men hunted and gathered food while the women stayed home, cleaned shop and then cooked the food. Back when we were first colonized in Virginia, men planted and harvested all of the crop and their wives watched over the children. Even out West in the real cowboy days women would have been looked at as fools if they carried a gun and played part to a shoot-off.
ReplyDeleteI was fortunate enough to be born into a successful family with one older sister. My father was one of four boys, so for me, gender was gender. I was a male and was going to do the type of “male” things that he did growing up. I was bred to play basketball, baseball, play in the woods and hunt. These things were done almost every hour of the day that I wasn’t in the pin (school).
Once high school came around, I somewhat found myself lost in everything I had been raised upon. I came into my own style, and actually didn’t mind buying clothes. Not that my dad ever came a long with me, but he did allow me to. It’s obvious to identify the type of guys who were raised “involved in sports” and the type who were never pushed to do such a thing. I feel as if two different crowds come about and gender roles come to play a part. The guys who are more into writing, reading, or computer games are usually thought down upon for not doing things that “normal” guys would do.
Now, I have really found myself between the two categories. I feel as if I am still expected to be able to take a hit at football game, but I think that I am able to write, or read a book without taking TOO much of a fall (of course my friends are still going to give me a hard time about it). I think that the people in my day to day life whom I associate with the most influence “how I do gender”. They “do gender” like I “did gender” growing up, so why not be around them? Honestly, I hardly ever challenge gender normativity because I do what I like. Simply that. In my opinion, the “role of genders” is overrated. People should not judge any one for what they do and if they didn’t this issue would never exist.
Will DeShazo
@Sierra..To each his own. Perfectly said about this topic. People can and should do as they please. Why do it matter what other people say or think if you are doing what you like to do? Gender roles are over reacted, and if they were suppressed, men and women could do what they want to do without the consequence of being judged.
ReplyDelete@Raven Carr
ReplyDeleteI agree and can relate to your post. I also mentioned in my post that girls have the pressure of the media of looking a certain way which goes along with guys wanting to find a girl that looks a certain. I have also had a personal experience, which I'm not going to get into on here, of someone thinking I was over weight. That kind of comment can really stick with someone and it's hard to overcome.
@ WilliamV
ReplyDeleteI strongly agree with you that people should not judge others. Who are we to place judgement upon someone else? Who are we to dictate how a female or male should act? I think that there are far more important issues at hand than worrying about being feminine or masculine.
There is definitely truth in the statement "one is not born a woman;one becomes a woman". There is nothing biological that teaches us to cook, wear pink, or choose playing with Barbies over trucks. As a child, I played with dolls, wore bows and ribbons, and played dress up. The first time I noticed there were things female and males do differently was when my little brother could play outside with his shirt off, but I couldn't. In elementary, I played kickball and tag on the playground with the boys at the same time as wearing skirts and jewelry. I think along with our loved ones teaching us how to do gender female, we also imitate our mothers and other females in our lives. Once we figure out there is a difference between girls and boys, we see our mothers as role models over our fathers. For example, I liked to wear dresses and heels because my mother did.
ReplyDeleteThroughout middle school, I wore the girly teenage outfits just like the other girls-sometimes the side ponytail and all. I picked up how to "do gender" from friends at that age (I think we all do). At that age the boys are really immature, so they all think they can out-do the girls in everything-especially athletics. I thought it was always interesting how the guys PE class played football and basketball, and the girls class did Yoga and workout videos. It's like they were assuming we would rather work out and lose weight than play a game of flag football.
In highschool, I was a cheerleader and flirted with boys, but I also played basketball and played co-ed soccer. I always loved playing soccer with the guys, though, because the referees would usually assume if there was a penalty, it was the guy. The girls could play rough and against the rules, but rarely get a call just because we played against the "big and tough boys". The guys on my team were, also, very protective against the girls on the team, which we loved. Where Sarah said that the guys did not give the volleyball players much respect, the girls on my soccer team did. Even the guys greatly respected us, but if it would have been an all-girls team, the story could have been different.
Throughout my entire childhood and now in college, I still play gender and do not have a problem with it. I like guys holding the door for me and letting me go first. I, also, like dressing up when I want to and having my boyfriend pick me up and pay when we go out. I don't mind guys assuming I'm not very strong and can't carry heavy boxes-rather them carry the boxes than me. When I have a family of my own, I will be guilty of dressing my girls in pink and my boys in blue, and I will expect to do more of the housework and cooking than my husband. I like the old-fashioned "Leave it to Beaver" picture. However, now women do have the same rights as men, and we do basically everything men do. So, I am very happy and proud to be gendered female.
Like most the readings point out from last week gender is the events of a person’s life that defined the person you become. I was the middle child of four and I was my parent’s first son. I was taught to become a boy when I was very young I had to be taught how to become a boy and be normal through my parents and grandparent’s teachings. My parents used sports as way for me to develop my social skills and realize how I act to kids my age. Soccer, tennis, basketball and baseball help me at a young age create and build on my gender. Competition was thrown into my skull at a young age and that has been a major characteristic in my life. My parents taught me how to be normal and be polite to other people and also to show respect to everyone. These are what every child is taught so that child will mature with those rules. My gender started with those basic teachings and with those rules I could shape my gender.
ReplyDeleteElementary school is really where I realized the person I was going to be in the future. I had many friends who I believed that liked my a lot. I learned at a young age not to create arguments that could be offensive to people that you consider friends. I had an exciting childhood that was filled with so many memories that also contribute to my gender development. I started to date in elementary school, I know it was not serious relationships it was the first time I looked for female companionship. My gender was changing along with my hormones and those would accumulate my new obsession and me with girls.
Middle school was not my favorite time of my life, during this time I moved away from my childhood friends to move to Hoover, Alabama. Everything I had done and learned to prepare myself for a completely new life did not work. The first year in middle school I had a hard time making friends. My gender was definitely affected by me having to make all new friends and it not working at first. I grew up a lot in high school relationships got a lot more serious and sexual encounters for the first time in my life. Females were my life in middle school and they definitely influenced my gender.
High school other than college was the best time of my life. I decided to quit all my sports and focus on football. I was not the best player but I was well liked by many of my teammates. Football really helped come out of shell that had been the case in middle school. My gender really grew through all the new friendships I made in high school and a lot of them are friends today. Gender is affected most by social interaction and how you can adapt to new social structures. I became very close to girls and established real feelings for them not middle school attraction. My parents taught me the ideas I would live my life on and those rules were evident throughout my life.
-Taylor Winkler
@WilliamV
ReplyDeleteI agree that gender roles are overrated. There was a strong differnce in the older days, but now people seem to do what they want, and nobody really questions much anymore. The unusual is getting to be more normal, so we don't even see the difference anymore. Whether a woman wears dresses and cooks or wears athletic sweatpants and no makeup, and whether a man plays sports or writes books-nobody seems to care. Instead of judging, we just choose our "type" to hang out with.
I am the youngest of five children and is still known as the baby of my immediate family. As a little girl I was Daddy’s little girl who got everything she wanted. “Daddy, I have a problem. People don’t respect me.” I remember saying to my Daddy as a little girl. The result? My dad let everyone know that we should respect each other no matter what. Yeah, I became the outcast of my siblings (2 brothers, 2 sisters, and I). I enjoyed writing and making up songs and didn’t think much of girlie things.
ReplyDeleteAs I got older (teenage), I saw the girls on T.V., at school, in everyday life who got the boys attention. They seemed so happy and I wanted to be happy. So when I was about eighteen, I started going out with a guy who was five years older than me. We stayed together for three years. It was rebellion and hormones. My whole family knew. I felt and just knew that it was unfair how my brothers could get away with anything, but I couldn’t even go to the prom (age 17) without being followed the entire night by my family and be back in the house at like a quarter ‘til twelve. I was so hurt and mad. Of course I rebelled and “knew” I had every right to so I continued. Eight years of depression, I hated myself, but hated everyone else more. I had to fight because no one understood, especially stupid boys, men, males in general. I didn’t like them. I wasn’t a lesbian, but I didn’t like them, yet I continued to date them, be in relationships with them, hurt by them.
I remember talking with my mom about how inconsiderate buys are and she agreed. She told me that some boys are taught to so their wild oats before they settle down so they have two or three girls at one time. With that conversation, she said that just like boys can be with more than one girl, girls should be able to do that too (just not sleep with them, but you can play with their emotions and hearts just like they do you) and I did. I never had less than two boyfriends and never more than about four, but only one that I really loved and cared for. That is until I began to see how the one I really cared for was hurting.
Anyway, now that I am older, I know better. I’m wiser and a better me. I don’t have to lay down my dreams or dignity, my integrity just to be with someone. I’ve never been skinny before in my life. Almost years ago, I weighed 267 pounds and was constantly running up behind some ignorant guy that thought if he just do this or say that, then I would stay no matter how bad he treated me or cheated on me. Now I do weigh 143 pounds, however, I did not lose weight to get back at them or even to be “pretty” or “happy”. PLEASE! I wasn’t even trying to be healthy when I started. I just wanted to get closer to God, so I gave up what I really clung to (certain food and people) and my relationship with God got better. I could love God and myself. I love myself now more than ever, but because I learning about me and I’m learning about God. Now I enjoy doing what is good for me, I enjoy loving and helping others (I always have, but just not like this). I know that I can’t forsake myself altogether and try to make someone else better. I like to shop, I love to use wisdom, and like to learn. I love singing and hanging out with my family and friends….(they are so crazy). This my opinion and I am learning. I enjoy being me in God and that boyfriend situation. I don’t mind having a boyfriend, but I don’t smile at every “Tom, Dick, or Harry” and every guy that approaches me doesn’t get my eye contact (because that takes up too much of my life, time, and energy to attend to your “needs”/”wants” if you are not on the right track). I don’t have time to deal with foolishness and I have to continue on in purpose.
I have 2 very intelligent nephews and a very intelligent niece. It is so important to my family and I to show and let them know just how great they are and not "teach" them from the hurt and anger of our past experiences. We do purposefully influence their gender development and they do gender everyday. However, it's even more vital for them to learn about themselves and stand up for what they believe in. They should know that the feelings they have and what they like to do is just fine and if they're not sure about something, then it's okay to talk with someone they trust. My neice should be able to know that she is a beautiful, strong "princess" who has a mind of her own and is very capable of thinking critically. My nephews should not have to look to the fantasy images of "men" that society tries to feed them, but to real, integral men who are comfortable with themselves.
ReplyDelete@Alysia
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your thoughtful comment. I agree that it is more important for children to learn about themselves than how to fit in to a preconceived notion.
@demilamb:
ReplyDeleteYour story really resonated with me. I was often made fun of during middle school as well, largely because I had to switch private schools midway through fifth grade. Instead of just shutting down, however, I tried desperately to fit the mold they wanted me to be without giving up too much of myself. Of course, that didn’t really work out, and it took me a long time to get back to a place where I was comfortable being me. I also identified with the way your parents’ divorce caused you to grow up really fast. The same thing happened to me. Many times, though I was the youngest, it often felt like my mom needed me to be her best friend more than she needed me to be her child. I did all I could to take care of her, and that has translated into me trying to take care of everyone all the time. Sometimes I take it so far that I forget to take care of myself. I really liked your ending statement about how even if your exterior perfectly matches the stereotype, your inner qualities are going to distinguish you, because I feel like that’s something that’s often forgotten. The way we dress or the length of our hair shouldn’t be the measure of our femininity.
@Emilie Paterson:
ReplyDeleteI really liked this quote: “It just seemed to be what was happening to everyone and natural,” because I feel like it epitomizes exactly what the problem is with the way gender is constructed. It’s so ingrained that it’s difficult to even comprehend that it’s not natural. Many times, we pick up gender scripts through our subconscious. However, when we realize that these scripts don’t fit with who we want to be, it becomes very difficult to feel comfortable not following them because of the fear of societal rejection, of not fitting into the hierarchy. Everyone wants to be themselves, and most are encouraged to do so. Individuality becomes a bit more difficult to justify though when you feel like you’re going against nature, not just society.
@demilamb
ReplyDeleteI really can understand your post and am glad and happy for you because of where you are now. I don't think that we all have to "fit" into a certain category and I actually think that none of us really do. We make up our own and that's alright. I do agree that the inner quality varies and how we bring that out matters and I think it lets us create our own category.
@TaylorWinkler...I agree completely with your thought that gender is affected by social interaction and adaptation. If you are hanging out with artsy people, you're probabkl artsy. If you're playing football, you're probably hanging out with athletic people. I think that gender is what you make it and who helps shape it.
ReplyDeleteWill DeShazo
@ Sarah Tate
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to feeling like there really isn't anything wrong with "doing gender." I enjoy being feminine. And I think that you definitely hit the nail on the head when you said that it's okay to want to do feminine things but still want respect while doing it.
I think it's silly that both genders allowed to do certain things. One example is boys are allowed to play sports like football, but girls aren't suppose to do that. That also goes for boys not suppose to be playing with dolls. People assume that men are suppose to be the protecters and providers, while the women take care of the kids and the house.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was little, I use to have a bunch of Barbies & other toys like them. I hardly played with them. When I did play with them, I would probably cut their hair, change their clothers, and etc. I even had a doll house for them.
I wouldn't call myself a girly girl. I wasn't interested in wearing make-up, wearing the latest fashions, reading the latest celebrity gossip, and etc. Also, I didn't have any interest in playing sports like softball or trying out for cheerleading. I was also a really quiet and shy person during middle and high school. I even hated it when we were supposed to play a certain sport like baseball during PE.
I was more interested in reading books and listening to music. My brother got me interested in video games when I was growing up. I very rarely wear dresses except for things like a funeral or a night out on the town. I also don't care about what others think about my appearance.
@ Taylor Winkler
ReplyDeleteI think it is great to be gendered female! I understand what you mean about enjoying having the door held open for you and everything. I also think that the "leave it to beaver" is not something to be looked down upon. As long as it is your choice and the life you want to live, then it is something that is to be celebrated.
@Alysia
ReplyDeleteYour story was very thought inducing and inspiring to read. It is great to know that you came out of your depression and sadness, not to please anyone else, but for yourself and for God.
@Amy Lea
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to know that someone else LOVED to dress up. My next door neighbors were two twin boys my age and whenever we played house I just had to be the mommy. But they did always include me when they played power rangers because since there was a pink one, I was able to play. I loved to perform and put on shows for the family so I would get in my costume box and grab the most elaborate outfits and high heels that never fit of course (they would be my mothers).
@S. Terrell....I completely agree with you about how you do not do gender. Anyone and everyone has the right to do what they want and are free to do as they please.
ReplyDelete@Kaylyn Johnson
ReplyDeleteI love how you said in 9th grade that 90% of the time you were makeup, and 98% of the time now, you don't wear make up. I think that at that age it's like we are starting to come into ourselves and are excited to wear make up and now, well half the time we just don't care. I don't think not wearing make up makes you any less of a woman. I really liked how you said that.
@ emilie paterson
ReplyDeleteI was in the same situation as you about girls who played sports can't be girly, and girls who are girly can't play sports. I feel that appearance has absolutely no say in your athletic ability. It really irritates me to have people say that girls sports aren't good enough and things to that nature. I think it is sad that men just can't accept that what we do is good, and just be happy for us.
@Kaylyn Johnson
ReplyDeleteI also like your statement about makeup. Its crazy to my how in like middle school and high school your outward appearance was such a huge deal. I would spend a good 2 hours before school getting ready (ridiculous I know!) and the majority of the time I was trying to figure out what to wear. But going to class in college is so totally opposite and I'm so glad haha I love the fact that all of us can just throw on a hat, t shirt and no make up and won't get judged for it. It was definitely some what of a culture shock when we first go here after high school, but definitely a change I didn't mind making.
@ Sarah Tate
ReplyDeleteI agree with you when you said doing gender is not wrong. I love everything about being feminine. I also believe women should be as feminine as they want and still should be able to have power and feel confident while being that way, you are who you are.
@ WilliamV
ReplyDeleteJudging others is something that happens too often. I agree with the fact that people should not judge someone else. I think a person should act and do what they want without the feeling of others constantly judging.